listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
