I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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