my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
