I am puke
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
