I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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