hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
