I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
