OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
