I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
