i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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