My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
