do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
