there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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