The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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