What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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