I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
did i walk over a car last night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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