at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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