i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
