This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
