Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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