A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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