I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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