There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
