I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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