I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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