just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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