Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
