He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he fucked my hip out of place.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
