When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
