R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pappa wants mamma naked
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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