Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
