On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
