we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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