ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
