please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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