You're so nebulous sometimes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
