It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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