drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
