Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
