I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
