there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
