What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
