uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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