he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
