when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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