ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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