Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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