had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
