when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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