I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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