I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
