Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
