Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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