And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
