Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
