sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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