The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
