a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
