I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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