The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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