where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
