WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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