Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just had sex bonerless
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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