She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
