Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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