Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
