If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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