you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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