Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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