i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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