So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
