Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
