Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
