he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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