Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
only you would photoshop your dick
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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