farters have to be the big spoon...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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