Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
