What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
