We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
