he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
